Have you ever wondered how teachers don’t get totally overwhelmed? 

With dozens of kids in their care, these amazing beings aren’t only charged with keeping everyone safe. Nope. Their job is to actually TEACH major life skills.

And in my experience with three kids in the public school system (so far), this is done with major success! I have readers in my house. Kids who know math. The difference between prime numbers and composites. And don’t get them started on details about Australia.

I’m in awe of what teachers do. 

As a mom, I’ve had the chance to volunteer in the classrooms and my favorite has always been kindergarten. Where one teacher gave me the biggest lightbulb moment. 

5 Ways a Kindergarten Teacher’s Classroom Changed My Family Dinners

1. Be clear about the rules & expectations. 

When you go into a school classroom, the rules are literally taped to the wall. Not a single kid is confused or surprised about what’s expected. Rules like “be kind” and “try your best” are rules that would definitely work in my house. 

In fact, I did make a list of rules for dinner time. Things like “Be Grateful” and “Try New Things” were a major part of turning our chaotic dinners into more peaceful family time.

That was a while ago and at the time, it totally worked. When everyone understood what was expected, I took it down. But if we need a new list of rules, I will happily tape it up again–or make updates as needed. The point is just being clear. 

2. Get everyone’s attention before speaking. 

Most teachers have a bell, or a special clap, sometimes even a call and echo routine with the kids to snap them to attention. Only after everyone is looking at the teacher’s patient face, does he try to explain his message. 

Cut to me muttering to no one in particular “um, everyone call down a little, okay?” No wonder it’s such a waste of time.

We literally have a dinner bell that I ring now, so I don’t have to run around the yard individually explaining to each kid that their sweet and sour chicken is getting cold. Bell rings, kids come in. Yay!

3. Have reasonable expectations for the age group.

It’s so hard to remember when you’re exhausted but here’s the truth: kids aren’t miniature adults. A child’s brain isn’t even fully developed. (That happens around age 24–really!) They literally don’t know any better. So asking a five-year-old to sit at a table for an hour quietly listening to adults talk about their day, all while enjoying a healthy meal, complete with a tiny napkin perched on their lap is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

In this kindergarten class, the kids eat silently for the first 5 minutes. Why? Because their teacher knows these five-year-olds will probably be too distracted to eat if they’re also chatting about who can snap and who’s still working on it.

The same principle works at home because some families have very antsy kids. Maybe “dinner” needs to be limited to 10 minutes at the table. Set a timer, or better yet, have a playlist that includes 2-3 mellow songs that act as background music AND a timer. When the first song is over, everyone can talk. When the last tune’s finished, everyone can get up. Which leads me to…

4. Set the tone.

When it’s lunchtime, these kindergarteners know it because their classroom suddenly feels very different. Lights are dimmed and soft classical music fills the air. Their teacher walks around slowly, speaking clearly, “Okay children it’s time to get your lunches out and set them on your desk.” That’s it. He doesn’t continue with the next instruction until everyone’s caught up.

THEN it’s a quick moment of silence/prayer/reflection.

THEN everyone eats. 

They do the same thing every single day so it’s never a surprise and all the steps are clearly talked through in the same calm way.

We always play music for dinner but I’ve noticed that something like calm, quiet music creates a totally different atmosphere than Maroon 5 belting out “Sugar”. Our kids physically can’t sit in their seats. They HAVE to dance. So, we now save Adam and crew for our cleanup routine. Ambience is everything.

5. Have a backup plan.

Just the same, teachers aren’t surprised when kids don’t cooperate. They expect it — and have recourse! It might be less time to play after lunch, maybe your name gets written on a board, maybe the teacher just comes up to you quietly and whispers the instructions again. Perhaps it’s all three and each one escalates as needed. 

One of the hardest things for me as a parent has been coming up with consequences that fit the actions of my kids. (Side note: I think this is tricky for us Gen Xers because we didn’t have personal experience with the idea as kids. That’s just not the way things were done. Between getting a spanking and hearing “You’re grounded” we were pretty much covered. New territory is always harder to forge but not impossible.) 

Now I have 3 go-to consequences for kids who act rude, entitled, uncooperative, or any other discipline problem: 

• Losing dessert 
• Losing screen time
• Adding a job 

Having these tools in my back pocket is surprisingly reassuring. I’m not stressed when kids don’t do the right thing because I can lovingly turn it back around so the consequence is their issue.  I’m not stressed out and yelling at everyone because I’m overwhelmed. 

Most of the time. 

Because hear me on this: these are all the best intentions. Even teachers must have their rough days. What I’ve learned by parenting four small kids is that roadmaps like these are a HUGE win. But even the best laid plans go awry sometimes. When that happens around here, I try to remember that tomorrow is another day. 

We get the chance to try again.