My kids love complaining about dinner.
I’ve got a six-year-old who typically walks into the kitchen around dinner o’clock with a whine locked and loaded. “But whaaaaat’s for dinnerrrrr?”
You know. You’ve made dinner before.
And you know who else gets it? My aunt. Family lore goes that she got fed up with my cousins’ complaints around 1988 and stopped cooking then and there. That’s it. That’s enough. I’m done. Good luck, fellas. No more lemon chicken for you.
It’s no fun to cook for a chorus of complaints!
Before you get to your own breaking point, let me suggest a few things that helped me back away from the picket line I was thinking of forming myself.
How to Stop Kids from Complaining about Dinner
1. Institute the Thumbs Up, Thumbs Middle, Thumbs Down System.
Of all the things I’ve ever done to combat kids complaining about dinner — and if there’s only one thing you take from this whole piece — this is the closest I’ve come to a magic bullet. Courtesy of the brilliant Dina Rose, PhD who wrote It’s Not About the Broccoli, here’s how it works:
- Tell your kids that you need them to try one bite because you want their feedback. “I just need to know if you think it’s good. Tell me your opinion.” They love this.
- Explain that this feedback will be limited to their thumbs only. No words. Simply take a bite, then offer a Thumbs Up, Thumbs Middle or Thumbs Down.
That’s it!
No one needs to say “yuck” ever again.
Of course you can ask follow up questions IF YOU WANT TO but it’s also nice to just leave it at the thumb rating on a particularly tiring evening. It’s up to you.
2. Let kids cook themselves.
For the last couple of months our kids have been taking turns cooking dinner on Sunday nights — including planning, prep and usually grocery shopping. We’ve had Magical Mac & Cheese, Chicken Piccata, One-Pot Spaghetti with Meat Sauce in the Instant Pot, Lemon & Garlic Chicken, Baked Potatoes and more…
They’ve learned a lot about what it takes to get a hot meal on the table, especially one that everyone likes. And the times when dinner’s not a hit? That’s an even harder lesson but listen. There will never be a better place to learn about gentle criticism. The world is full of feedback and I’m glad my kids get a softball tossed at them under my own guidance at our family table. Obviously it’s not a free-for-all (see the Thumbs Up/Middle/Down idea above) but asking for and receiving input is a life skill, just like cooking.
Plus, the entire experience teaches each kid to be kind when it’s their turn (and how to deal when other kids start complaining).
3. Be clear about your expectations.
Have you ever taken a small child on an airplane? Three of our kids were born in Italy and the first time I took our oldest as a toddler, we practiced the whole thing in our living room.
Sitting down. Strapping a seatbelt on. Being quiet. Not kicking in front of us. I literally set up kitchen chairs in rows and we sat there together pretending to hear messages from the cockpit, bells signaling seatbelts required, and so on.
By the time my 2YO rolled her butterfly suitcase through that 747, she already had an idea of what was expected.
We’ve done this about eating dinner too. We literally sit at the table practicing our manners.
“Thank you!”
“This is good.”
“Could you please pass the salad?”
Now that my biggest kids are in elementary school, they get the idea but we still have reminders. All the time. See #4…
4. Write out your house rules.
How do you think teachers handle a whole classroom full of kids? It’s all about clear rules and expectations. You don’t have to post it on the wall — or maybe you should, we did for a while — but definitely go over the rules as a family at a time when you’re not eating. That way everyone’s on the same page when you are.
5. Practice with a tea party.
My MIL is known for her adorable tea parties. With tiered trays, porcelain cups and ALWAYS at least two kinds of tea. And guess what? Kids totally get into it. Fancy tea helps kids with little things like taking just one at a time, passing a tray to a friend, complimenting the host, putting a napkin in their laps and so on. This is the time to really pour on the idea of good manners and how fun it is to make the dining experience fun for everyone–which complaining completely clobbers.
If a tea party isn’t in the cards, try another idea from The Bearenstain Bears Forget Their Manners: Make a game out of acting SUPER polite. “Oh, why thank you!” “No, no my dear, after you!” “Just let me dab my lips with this napkin.” “What a wonderful meal! Simply divine.” Once you get started, you might find that everyone stops acting over-the-top and simply settles into being polite for real.
And that’s what complaining gets to the heart of anyway. Taking care with other people EVEN when dinner isn’t your favorite. Because if one thing’s true in life, sometimes it sure won’t be.
6. Talk about feelings.
Don’t underestimate this one. I’ve straight-up told my kids, “It hurts my feelings when you complain about the food I made for you. Would you like it if I hated a picture you drew for me?” It’s not a guilt trip as much as a mini lesson in empathy.
Also, it’s OKAY TO NOT LOVE THIS PARTICULAR MEAL. Not every dinner will be a rockin’ favorite and that’s fine. I wrote a whole post about that because it seems like such a surprise when I mention this idea to my kids. This isn’t a torture device. I’m just saying not every meal is a birthday party. That’s not how life works. We’re not doing these kids any favors by catering to them, literally, with every like and dislike at every meal. Sometimes things need to be good enough, but if you want to go all out for dinner, then consider contacting this oyster catering service for some delicious food.
Cooking for my family is one of my greatest joys. But I’m too busy to spend so much time prepping a (reasonably) healthy dinner that I think everyone will enjoy to have the whole thing go down in flames.
Besides, I love lemon chicken too much to abandon ship now. Even when kids complain about dinner.
When you make a purchase from a link on this page, Foodlets receives a very small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for your support!
Plus:
- 10 Ways to Get Kids Eating Healthier
- 12 Pictures of What 5 Servings of Fruit & Veggies a Day Looks Like for Kids
- 20 School Lunch Ideas that Aren’t Sandwiches
My mother had a phrase–not unique to her, you can google it–that goes along with your suggested game of acting super-polite: “I have had an elegant sufficiency and any more would be a superfluity.” It’s a nice way to turn down dessert that you don’t need.
I loved this post of yours.
I love this. Great tips here! Sometimes I get so worried about my toddler’s diet that it takes up too much and effort that could be spent on other things – other things that she considers fun and not torture! Sometimes I need the reminder to relax just a bit and remember that a bowl full of goldfish for lunch is perfectly OK now and then.